Stay home day

The decision was made early this morning, though Nell's fever had broken in the night, she still needed a stay at home recovery day. Ian had stayed home and cuddled her yesterday, so it was my turn to stay home. Kellen pressured me that his cold needed a rest day to finally get better. So here we are, all together at home, after several texts and calls to make the necessary changes. I started making plans to sit on the couch and read books to the kids for most of the morning. The kids had other ideas and by 10:30 with my coffee rewarmed for the 10th time, I was beginning to think these hooligans are not so sick after all.

Only 1 book was read to neve, but play-doh extravaganza has occurred and been cleaned up, the mega blocks pay loader has finally been built, nerf gun wars loudly taken place...

Though I feel a little guilty as they have sprung to life on this stay at home sick day, I am thankful for the fun. And for the freshly gathered poached egg in my homemade tomato soup. And the worn out girls both napping now while kellen quietly plays with his army guys. And for finally having a coffee while browsing my newest cookbook. This is turning into a wonderful stay at home day that we were much in need of.

Counting

Forgetting to count blessings
I grumble with frustrations
Remembering to see with eyes wide open
I know it's all love gifted.

The cat sprawled sleeping
Karate lessons begun
Kids xcountry skiis purchased
Finding their own craft together
Peaceful sleep and dreams
More eggs gathered everyday
Tears for the broken egg dried when he cooks it
A season changing, snow coming
So small this list of recent moments remembered
I vow to count more, to snap and capture more
I don't want to miss the gifts

Sitting now in front of the fire
The mess I fought against won again
Toys, dishes, a stray jacket, a book, practice word flash cards,
I chose to see differently
A mess or the evidence of a blessed life?
A house full of crazy fun kids
A weekend lived.

A bedtime story by Lanelle

Once upon a time there were, um, 3 girls and 5 boys

this first sentence Lanelle started her bedtime story with, and I knew it would be about our family (the 2 extra boys are the dog and cat :)

and the big boy was the biggest.  And Heavy was the littlest, but not too little.  And Nevey was pretty little too, but not too little.  The 2 little girls were the best at everything.  They painted the best pictures.  They colored the best pictures. Their pictures were beautiful.  They were the best readers.  They were even the best at shooting guns.  The only thing the boys were the best at was crying.

Told so smoothly and sweetly.  What was I to say when asked, "Wasn't that the best story mom?"...

Us this season

Knowing where to begin after such a hiatus feels a little overwhelming.  These crazy days of our lives just speed by.  Today has been progress and checking things off lists and feels like were moving mountains.  Starting with some family pictures.  Perhaps of the 150 we have now, I'll be able to get Christmas cards ready, if I don't get overwhelmed in the choosing.

 In the past two weeks, we've had some rainy days and depressing days.  I've been reminded that there are changing seasons around us, visible and some not so visible, but felt.

 We've had a trip to my family's farm for Thanksgiving and loved watching the growing cousins enjoy each other and got to meet the newest addition, little Calder.  There was a lot of carrot digging and a thrilling drive in the back of Grandpa's truck to the empty house with the empty fridge (which I still call Auntie Maxine's, even though times have changed and I'll soon be having to say Tim & Sarina's)

 There was skyping with the 2 little cousins too far away in Edmonton.  And just like that quick little skype visit, the whole time there was over in a flash.

 There's been a slow paced walk or 2, where we remember to breathe.

 Particularly me, as I had to take some very deep breaths on this walk and in general lately, as I continue to deal with such stubbornness from this one with her ideas.  Such as wearing only tights while out for a walk.  Oh, the complaining as they kept falling down, though she had promised after my repeated warnings of that imminent problem and the cold that she would not utter any complaints.

 The season of a couple of barn cats was very short.  After seeing the dog and cats would not live safely in the yard together...

 We now have a kitten living in our house (in which I remind myself to never say never.)

 We've all quite fallen in love with Heavy (as Kellen named him and we may take the suggestion of spelling it Hevi).

 At night this is where he can usually be found, and although we all love him very much, he may have a special bond with this boy, who knows how to be more gentle than his little sisters.

 There's been more of the usual goodness that continues through all seasons.  That being the growing, playing, learning, and goofiness...

 Not to be forgotten moments, like nerf gun wars with Auntie...

 And the exciting new farm happenings - the first eggs are appearing!

 My happiness that this little girl likes to snack on dehydrated tomatoes.

 And is communicating more every day.  So brave to say new words and making more effort to be understood.  "Me, me? Cheese?" she asks after I took her picture, as she pats her chest.  "See?" as she comes around to look.

 "Again?" she backs up for another shot.  "Cheese!"

 It is so good to just remember that these little moments are real and lovely, and not lost in busyness.  Through these seasons we are all growing and changing and loving, yes, we are...

Privilege and Flies, Work or Play

2 flies are driving me nuts while I try to type here.  I've been working on a digital scrapbook this afternoon.  in between trips to the coffee pot.  with a stop at the chicken coop.  a walk down the road.  a check on the dehydrating tomatoes.  a touch on the paint drying on the old desk, now white.  rearranging the pictures laying on the floor, deciding where they will finally be hung. loving all these moments in peace.  just me.  the kids off with dad.  the result of a meltdown.  why do I never get gifted enough time to get anything done? to get projects started?  so tired of dishes, meals, laundry, vacumming, diapers, toliet scrubbing, tidying.  all those things you just spin around and do again. 



yet, such a privilege.  no?  to have a home to care for and children to raise? and a special call from a loved friend during the afternoon adds a new thought to my quiet time thinking.  what would I do if I wasn't doing "work" or something on my "to do list"?  and the line between work and play starts to seem more blurred.  do I see my garden as work or play?  canning my tomatoes: work or play?  and I begin to think, what if I could feel that it is all play?  I read Sheena's thoughts and think about privilege and owning this 40 acres and happy families and childhoods.  My complaints seem so ridiculous, even though they are real and will surface again.  I'll keep swatting at these flies, acknowledging my privilege and remembering to chose the perspective of play.

Another walk

I laughed, at myself, when I was uploading pictures the other night

Another walk captured

You'd think its all I do

Walk, beach, repeat...

 But they really are my favorite moments

And the ones where I have time to click

 when we are not rushing

and I'm remembering to savour

 and treasure each moment

there's so many things on the list this weekend

painting, staining, cleaning,

laundry, canning tomatoes, cleaning up the garden

redoing flower beds, cooking for next week

I'm hoping though that we take a walk and love this warm weekend

and remember to love each other more

Question

Even when I am filled with question after question, that begins to make me feel like a sinking failure, not trusting anyone or myself, I can still just enjoy the simple beauty of time together at the beach.