Hello 2013. I'm looking forward to your days. Today was already a great day. In spite of a sick husband, kids waking up too early after a late night (not just because I wanted to sleep, but they were tired grouchy and driving me crazy), power going off for 90 minutes (of course at noon when I was trying to cook lunch), heaped up laundry and the dryer not drying...
Today was a great day, not just because we had a quiet-at-home day without having to go anywhere, and Uncle Michael made Kellen the happiest boy ever by coming over to play wii all afternoon, and Neve slept for over 3 hours waking up super happy. Things just happened that encouraged me in a way I haven't felt in awhile. Where you KNOW that things happen for a reason.
I read what sarah had to say - http://sarahbessey.com/in-which-i-am-fearless-sort-of/ (sheesh, sorry I don't know how to do links with the app!). And I was led on over to the oneword365.com. I'd like to say that I pondered what my word for the year would be. That I prayed about it. That I took it seriously. But I think the word came to me without thought in about 2 seconds flat. Move. Um, that's dumb I thought. I did that last year. Not moving again. Ever. I moved on, wiped a nose, started the dishes, read a book to a whiny kid, or something like that.
Later, I came upon the free download for an e-book "The Do What You Can Plan" by Holley Gerth (thanks for the facebook heads up, Chelsey R). And I read the first 3 short chapters with my cup of coffee in hand. Within 15 minutes I was tackling the last of the boxes that have been haunting me for months now and seeing hope for my little space in the corner of the basement. I was on the Move. So I accepted my word.
Tonight I looked up my word. I was impressed. To change in position from one point to another. To go forward. To progress towards a particular state or condition. To initiate an action. To stir the emotions. To change the course of. To get going. Making progress.
I don't know what this year will look like exactly. Well, I don't really know at all. I know I've been feeling like I need more. Even with eucharisteo and the peace that brings me. I feel stuck and frustrated too often. Which usually leads me to some type of informal goal setting, but then I fail the next day, and the voice telling myself its okay, I'll do better tomorrow is not as strong as the voice telling me its hopeless and it's all to much anyhow.
So I feel stuck (oh, I am thankful for grace to be okay there) but...I think it's good to still want to move forward. Feeling stuck and overwhelmed limits me in too many ways and in all areas of my life. So, I really look forward to be blessed by the Do What You Can Plan. Hoping to see some linear moving, not just the crazy cycle that I tell myself I ride.
I don't have any fancy graphic for my word (though I enjoyed seeing those who did). I don't have the best words to explain what I'm thinking and what I feel is being handed to me. I don't have a fancy camera or the talent to share beautiful inspiring images. And I'm not really all that cool, haha. I dont feel that my word is that great, if i compare it to the others i read. I'm definitely feeling inadequate to share what might seem so inconsequential, cause there are some truly amazing voices out there. So often in the past, after pouring out some heart thoughts, I would decide they were just for me, and delete the whole thing. All those excuses of inadequacy contribute to the stuck feeling. And in thinking about moving, I know that it doesn't matter where I am, if I'm behind or if I'm off track. It's about initiating, progressing, stirring. Right? It might be big for me or at the very least I'm going to hold tight to my word the next few days and get that room cleaned up and boxes dealt with!