Saturday, September 29, 2012

Privilege and Flies, Work or Play

2 flies are driving me nuts while I try to type here.  I've been working on a digital scrapbook this afternoon.  in between trips to the coffee pot.  with a stop at the chicken coop.  a walk down the road.  a check on the dehydrating tomatoes.  a touch on the paint drying on the old desk, now white.  rearranging the pictures laying on the floor, deciding where they will finally be hung. loving all these moments in peace.  just me.  the kids off with dad.  the result of a meltdown.  why do I never get gifted enough time to get anything done? to get projects started?  so tired of dishes, meals, laundry, vacumming, diapers, toliet scrubbing, tidying.  all those things you just spin around and do again. 

yet, such a privilege.  no?  to have a home to care for and children to raise? and a special call from a loved friend during the afternoon adds a new thought to my quiet time thinking.  what would I do if I wasn't doing "work" or something on my "to do list"?  and the line between work and play starts to seem more blurred.  do I see my garden as work or play?  canning my tomatoes: work or play?  and I begin to think, what if I could feel that it is all play?  I read Sheena's thoughts and think about privilege and owning this 40 acres and happy families and childhoods.  My complaints seem so ridiculous, even though they are real and will surface again.  I'll keep swatting at these flies, acknowledging my privilege and remembering to chose the perspective of play.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Another walk

I laughed, at myself, when I was uploading pictures the other night
Another walk captured
You'd think its all I do
Walk, beach, repeat...
 But they really are my favorite moments
And the ones where I have time to click
 when we are not rushing
and I'm remembering to savour
 and treasure each moment
there's so many things on the list this weekend
painting, staining, cleaning,
laundry, canning tomatoes, cleaning up the garden
redoing flower beds, cooking for next week
I'm hoping though that we take a walk and love this warm weekend
and remember to love each other more

Thursday, September 27, 2012


Even when I am filled with question after question, that begins to make me feel like a sinking failure, not trusting anyone or myself, I can still just enjoy the simple beauty of time together at the beach.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Be Still My Heart

"Hey, Mom, I saw a falling star!"  He was so excited on our drive home tonight.

"You know you are suppose to make a wish, right?"  I asked him.

"And it will come true?" he asked incredulously.

"Hopefully," I answered simply without much thought.

"I wish that I will grow up to be a good person."  Said so thoughtfully and seriously.  "Do you think it will come true?" he asks.

Oh, be still my heart.  Could he be any sweeter?

"I'm pretty sure that wish is already coming true," I managed to choke out.  And all those nagging thoughts of maybe I shouldn't have, or maybe I should have, and how do I possibly know how to do this well, well they were far away.  Thank you, Kellen.

And, this lovely little girl sees the glowing sunset and runs out the door to go take it all in.  I can't help but follow her with the camera with my heart just bursting.  Watching her know how to take it all in and be thankful for the beauty.

And this third blessing, making my heart burst, even when she's in trouble because its all so amazing to watch her grow into a little girl, finding her words and making herself known to us.
This mothering, sometimes feeling like it will crush me sometimes, sure can make my heart overflow to bursting.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Scenes from the chicken & dog saga

1. Driving up the lane, I'm listening to the rattle, rattle of the car that really needs some attention. And I see a brown chicken laying on the side of the road - um, what?! My eyes go to the chicken yard and I see the gate wide open and the dog in his glory, happily chasing my chickens. Oh, the panic! Pull the brake. Turn the key off. Fly out of the door, leaving it open, I'm on the run. Oh, please, I hope I don't find a pile of bloodied chickens. I'm not sure if I'm more upset about what I will find, or that Ian is away and I'm going to have to deal with this myself.

2. Kellen is running across the yard. He's carried the shell shocked chickens back to the coop. He's got down deep in the bushes and pulled out that chicken hiding so deeply in among those branches that I couldn't reach her. The 2 in bad shape, he's carried to the empty layer house. He told me "its okay, you take care of Nevey", who was screaming for attention and food by this time. "Don't worry mom, I'll run and get them some straw and make them more comfortable. Snow didn't mean too, did he Mom?"

3. I look out the bathroom window, eyes still blurry in the early morning fog. What?! I'm suddenly awake, I see a white head bob up above the chicken yard fence. How in the world did he get in there! How could our protector dog become the predator? And, I want to cry. Or, maybe I'll just get angry.

4. We come home to check and make sure there have been no more shenanigans. The relief is huge. We give Snow lots of positive attention. We play fetch. I make sure to make him listen to my commands. He's a good dog.

I am thankful that all is good and thankful tonight that it has continued to be since the incidents. Thankful we still have 21 healthy ladies and little miss broken leg, poor thing.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Treaty 4

Under my skin it feels
After years of going through motions
We celebrate treaty

Friday, September 14, 2012

Us these crazy days (with a long winded crazy morning record)

These have seemed like crazy days.  Back to regular work routine.  Back to school routine.  Lots to be done these fall days.  Of course, such an enjoyable part of the garden season (especially when bringing in potatoes and squash and such that don't require hours of my work.  It's been fun to see Neve's excitement in it all.  She is so fun this girl, learning like crazy, saying new words everyday, and brings us so much joy.
 She insisted on carrying in a squash even though it was quite a struggle.  Even made it up the stairs.

Kellen's long hair disappeared the night before school, which he has been begging me to do all summer.  I really love it long, but try to remember its his choice :)  He was so happy, for the hair and for getting back to school, he just wants to be with friends and loves it soo much!
I like to hear what others do for back to school traditions, but wasn't sure what ours might be.  I think the big special breakfast is too overwhelming when we are trying to be on time for the first day.  Lanelle really wanted to make a cake, I had taken the day off work to take Kellen, so we did.  Delicious.  Since cake rare around here, it might be an extra special back to school tradition.  An apple chocolate cake, yum! (Nice pose, goofy Nell!)

He thought it was perfect!
He's been out collecting firewood with dad.

And the new fireplace has arrived.  Love it so much already!  We spent the first night around it, kind of enjoying it, but too distracted making the plans for how to finish it.  Ian's planning to start collecting rocks and doing it all himself.
And that is the quickest fall update ever, bringing us to this morning...Which I was so excited for , to just be at home.  Recover from a long week and a miserable cold.  But, I was woken by a crying boy, so sad that dad went to work without him.  Doh, on Fridays, he's suppose to take him into town for school!  I am tired,  I know, because I didn't even hear Ian get up.  Of course, with Ian getting ready to head off hunting tonight, he's only got room for one line of thought :) We recover and get on with getting ready.  I think I'll just quickly run him in and get back home, to enjoy more of this...

funny, happy girls playing and me enjoying getting things done.  But, we are rushing cause we are late (in part because of an exciting phone call from my brother about a new nephew!) and those flashing blue and red lights stop us.  We are so late that I take Kellen in to the office for a late slip.  We get visiting and finally get the forms we need to request Kellen to attend school out of our new school area, even though he is already there :P We just didn't mention to the school that we had moved.  Whoops.  We wander out to the car and I say its so close to library story time, why don't we go, since we are in town.  Okay, she says, so we get out the stroller and we will walk the couple of blocks, but we see a new friend that we met last week, so we stop in the playground and visit with the new to town mom.  Lanelle gets playing and doesn't want to leave.  So we are missing story time.  Well, I say, since we have to stroller and I feel like a little walk, lets go to the store and pick up a nightlight, since we've really been missing our hallway light that the chicken coop
inherited.  Back to the car with our purchase and on our way out of town.  Yes, I think, we only lost half the morning!  But, there's a good looking garage sale.  We stop, of course.  There's a toaster oven, a nice one, almost new and I've been wanting one.  So back across the street to the car to run to the bank.  A friend pops out of her house who had been away so we visit for a bit.  Would we like some cucumbers?  Yes, so Nell stays to pick some, while Neve and I run.  Into the bank and I run into Constable Muirhead (who we go to church with), who says, oh, I heard you had a bad morning.  Oh, for goodness sake, I think, this small town stuff is too much sometimes!  But, its good and we laugh and visit for a bit.  Back to pick up Nells and we meet my friends daughter in law who has been on a 2 month cross Canada honeymoon trip and we have fun visiting.  Get that toaster oven and run into a friend, saying some of us are going to park...Sheesh, I may never get home. Nell wants to go, I don't talk her out of it, but we see another garage sale while I drive and try to convince her to go home.  We stop and run into a couple more friends to visit with.  Still wants to go the park.  So we do, and its wonderful.  Make new friends, play with loved friends and catch up.  Finally on our way home and I laugh when I look at the clock.  We'll have a late lunch when we get home.  Quesedillas in the new toaster oven enjoyed with some freshly thrown together garden salsa and I think that morning just had a mind of its own, but its all okay :)  Oh, these crazy days!  I'm not the only one with crazy, mind-of-their-own kinda days, am I?

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Sunday epiphany

It wasn't in church that it hit me (definately not - I was struggling with 8 rambunctious kids in children's church. Can I call in sick next week?) It was on pinterest, of course! When I saw a quote that my soul needed. Because it was time for a heart change, I was so weary of the struggle to shove down the frustrations. I don't get enough done in a day. There is never enough time for all the good things I would like to do, create, teach, grow, learn, cook, experience. Thats no epiphany. Neither is the fact that there never will be enough time. Time to change my thinking, I've known for awhile. But the how to of changing those ever present thoughts escaped me. Then I read the quote and I laughed at the obviousness of it all. Focus on the most important. No more "I wish" or "if only". Just like practicing eucharisteo and being present in the moment. Making a conscious choice to focus my heart and mind on the truly important moment that I am in. So overly simple, but so heart changing to truly accept this belief. Does this freeing thought in this simple sentence speak to you?

Thursday, September 06, 2012

4 days to create a habit?

Despite my supportive husband laughing at me, telling me I would not succeed, I think I may have managed to create a habit. Even I doubted I could actually get up at 6am to get out the door for a walk. Now I can't imagine not doing it. Today, on the fourth morning walk I felt brave enough to believe I would continue this amazing start to my day. I may have to get some snowshoes ;). Today I was thankful to have found my trusty boots, which may not have been worn since my canoe tripping days. This morning as I walked my mind was filled with memories of rivers, paddling, campsites, canoe friends... And I was thankful for dry feet as I stepped in the door instead of my wet squishing runners.

Aren't I blessed with some amazing morning views around the edges of my 40 acres?!

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Holiday Morning Walk

This holiday Monday found just Kellen, Neve and I at home.
We went for a morning walk.
As mama demanded
Though Kellen balked
But it didn't take long for all of us
to fall in love with the morning.
We stop to feed the dog
Neve insists on feeding him on the step
 Kellen led the way to the chickens
checking on their food and water
 and proceeding to "play" with them

 Neve loves to be right in there
Not concerned about sitting down
amongst the chickens
to get something out of her shoe
 but was not impressed when one pecked
at the shiny rivet on her pants
big brother to the rescue

 one of the rare moments she walked beside me
without fussing to be back in my arms

 we lost Kellen on the final stretch
while he collected caterpillars

 strutting down the lane
feeling happy and free
so thankful for sunny morning walks