I've written a few posts here, but they've been abandoned, because they end up more negative than I want to be. I find it a hard place, when I want to be joyful and thankful, but also authentic and real. And lately, everything thing just felt hard. Writing it just felt like complaining.
This week I've been x-country skiing. 3 times, 3 days in a row. I think that is already more than last winter. Feeling at the end of my rope, I told Ian one night that I WAS going skiing the next afternoon. The day after my first ski, I got the chance to take Anna from Estonia skiing. Today, I got to try out my new ski attachment for my Chariot. Me and the 3 kids managed to go skiing. Amazing!
I've learned or been reminded of some things. I REALLY need to make sure I do things I love, to get some sun and fresh air, and exercise. Like magic, life just don't seem so hard.
Of course, going down, means you have to get back up. Thankfully, it was mostly a lot more gradual. When it did get ridiculously steep, I stopped and said this is when I usually take off my skiis and walk. But, if you can do it, go ahead and I'll kept my skiis on too. A challenge she said she wouldn't refuse. Oh, yes, I like her spirit. So, we trudged slowly. Skiis in a big V. My arms working hard holding myself from sliding backwards. She stopped once and looked back. "Are you ready to walk?" I asked. I love her reply. She doesn't like to give up.
I thought about how much I've announced to myself lately that I just have to give up for now, on figuring out how to do things I like, on accomplishing more in my day... And, I felt a changing. A new spirit emerging. I think I'll claim her statement and keep it close to my heart. I've chosen to give up desiring perfection. But, somewhere along that good journey, it maybe got confused with a switch to giving up. I felt the load lighter and the sun brighter. Just because I'm chosing to not focus on the accomplishing and end result, because it always gets in the way of joy, doesn't mean I don't be purposeful about the journey of each day. With a Not Giving Up attitude and a Joy in Every Moment outlook, I think there is balance in the accomplishing and the flexibility and the fun. It felt good to have sun shining on face as we reached the top and feel the rhythm of the glide and kick again.
So when my trio and I headed out this morning, and the 2 older were being miserable, I managed to still keep the joy and not give up on it being an amazing morning. Lately, I would have been losing my cool with their bad attitudes. Once the ordeal of getting all the equipment loaded and kids buckled in, I even managed to make it back in the house for a thermos of hot chocolate and a bag of snacks. And my blood pressure still felt normal :)
So thankful for the joy of skiing and moments of awareness and clarity from the experience.